Let's Just Make One Last Mistake Together
by sordidheart
Summary: We'll just make one last attempt to crash and burn together. That's it and then we're done. RyanxKelly


1.  
You say, "I just wanted to make you happy."

I say, "I was happy."

You say, "No you weren't, you never were."

And then you ask me to drive you home.

We're so far past the point of pretending that we're not going there.

2.

I like the way that your skirt feels underneath my hand. I lay it there. I want to slid my fingers underneath that soft, shimmery, blue and touch you there. I want to bite your neck and suck you dry. I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. I never wanted you this much when we were together.

And you say, "I should have never gotten into your fucking car."

3.

You are drunk.

I won't ignore that.

But in my defense I'm pretty damn wasted myself right now…at least I think I must be. And it's not like you're falling down, stumbling, puking all over yourself drunk. You're just the kind of drunk that makes you a lot more honest…and angry…and sad.

You are standing there in your pretty top, and your pretty skirt, and your face has too much make up which I always sort of hated but at the same time it makes you look so soft and you are so soft like your hair is soft and your hair is so, so, pretty.

I'm pinning you against a wall and I'm kissing you.

I'm only about 80 sure of how this happened.

All I know is that I'm kissing you, you're smearing lip gloss on me, and you are not opening your mouth.

My hands are touching your face.

"What?" I say, "Come on!"

And that's when I feel the tears pouring out of you.

4.

Please believe me when I say I never wanted to make you cry.

I mean…you just look so freaking _ugly_ when you cry. Your face turns bright red, your nose starts to run, you won't stop making these "hee-hee-hee" noises, and then you just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail.

You are sitting on the floor holding one of your shoes and staring at it. "I thought I was done with this," you say, "I thought I was done with you.

And then the waterfall starts again, "I thought I was finally starting to grow as a person!"

And then you throw your shoe at me.

"You never fucking let me grow!"

5.

The cameras are there in the bushes. I can see them. The camera guy is looking straight at me. The producer motions for me to come outside.

I ask them if it's even legal to shoot us past 5'oclock and the producer just shrugs. They'll talk to their bosses or lawyers or whatever and if they're forced to they'll edit this out but good TV is good TV.

I'm walking back into my apartment right when the camera guy asks, "Hey does she even know that we're here?"

The producer snorts and says, "It's always better when they don't."

6.

You are in my room, sitting on my bed, shoeless.

You are no longer crying, you scrubbed your face, all the make up's gone.

You say, "I'm sorry I freaked out on you. You didn't make me come here. Hell, you never made me do anything did you…it was all, always, me."

I'm willing to agree to that, but not quite so willing to say it outloud.

So instead I say, "Um…the camera's are outside."

"Fuck," you say, "fuck, fuck, fuck, goddamn it!"

7.

"I'm going," you say, "I'm leaving."

But I don't want you to go.

"Wait, wait, I'll make them leave." I say.

"What?" you say, "Ryan no."

"Come on," I say, "just give me a second."

"You still want to do this? There's something seriously wrong with you today."

But I'm already heading outside just as you say, "I already called a cab!"

8.

You smell like cotton candy. Your skirt is hypnotizing me. I got fired today. I'm 51 still drunk enough to think this isn't incredibly dumb. Fuck if I'm just gonna let you leave.

"They're gone", I say almost excitedly (because damn it I'm going to make an effort) when I'm back in my apartment.

You're sitting on my couch inhaling a cigarette when I walk back in.

"You made them leave?" you ask.

"Um…" _when did you start smoking?_ "there are rules about them taping us when were doing things…like this…past 5..." my voice is trailing off. "Yippee," you say, "I'm still leaving."

"When did you start smoking?"

"I have no idea," you say, "is my cab here yet?"

I'm 46 still drunk enough to think I'll lose my mind if we don't follow through on whatever the hell it was that I wanted us to do. Oh yeah, that's right sex, we should have sex, right now. That's a terrific idea. That's the best idea I've ever had?  
Outside we hear a car horn blow.

You grab your purse, "I'm out of here."

"Wait," I say, "wait." And this time when I kiss you, you open your mouth.

You taste terrible.

9.

"This is so not good for my self esteem or your self esteem or anyone's self esteem," you say.

"Or Daryl's self esteem." I am so fucking funny.

"Shut up, " you say and then, "maybe he called…"

But of course he didn't. If there was even a chance he would there's no way you would be here. If all the days and days and days you waited for me have taught us anything.

"He's not gonna call."

"Fuck you," you say and then you sigh start to take off your shirt.

10.

I'm naked, you're naked, we are both very naked.

You're looking up at me and saying, "I have never been more un attracted to you then I am at this moment."

11.

Afterwards you just lay there and I lay there.

I'm only about 3 drunk now.

You're out of my bed and you're getting dressed.

I want to collapse inside myself.

I can't imagine you feeling much different.

12.

We're in front of your apartment.

"I'm sorry." I say, "I am so, so, so, sorry I don't even know why even for a second that I thought even for a second that this was a good idea I mean you're going through shit and I'm going through shit and this was such a bad, horrible, terrible, idea and I never meant to start this up again I swear that when I called you I really did just want to talk to you and…"

You smile at me. It's such a pretty smile.

You hug me. It's such a nice hug.

You kiss me. It's such a sweet kiss.

You whisper in my ear.

"We are so fucking over." you say.

I can't remember you ever sounding so completely…

And then that's it.

You walk away.


End file.
